Waver Velvet | Lord El Melloi II (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
slightlytaller) wrote2022-04-03 09:16 pm
slightlytaller) wrote2022-04-03 09:16 pm
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Take your time. I'm not the best at steering, but I can keep things afloat.
When your ready, there's a bottle with your name on it.
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I don't know how yet. I really, really don't.
I think I have to find Falco and make it up to him first. And then I have to accept whatever's coming for me because of what I did.
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[that's the first thing that makes her laugh so hard that she coughs.]
Is that what it looks like? Because from where I'm sitting, I'm the one who came up with this stupid idiot scheme that I knew was gonna end with me dead, and the only thing I did to warn anyone about it was leave you some notes.
And now I'm here. Alone. Probably just like how I deserve.
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...and no one deserves to be alone.
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I still made the choice to meet with the Reckoning and transform myself into a beast knowing damn well there wasn't a way for me to win the fight with John.
Knowing just as well that John shouldn't have been my target in the first place if I was really trying to avenge Kainé.
The amount of shit I have to untangle here before I'm ready to go for that bottle...
Well. Almost makes me want to call in your boyfriend.
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Iskandar resolved the Gordian Knot by slicing through it.
You don't need a spatha to do that for your problems right now, Anna. And, it's okay if you don't know the answers yet.
At this point, you should just think about what kind of person you want to be from here.
...Whatever you decide, you won't be alone.
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I think the kind of person I want to be is the kind of person I thought I was.
Before I got what I used to chase and realized I hate the taste of it in my mouth. The way it rots me from the inside.
I don't think I ever truly lost sight of that. Or maybe that's just something nice that I'm telling myself so I feel better about what I've done.
I don't know.
I just know that I want to be a good person who helps and protects people. I want to be someone people don't feel sick about looking up to.
I still want that, even if it's all fucked up right now.
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You can still be a good person who helps and protects others while making mistakes. They can both be true at the same time. The question here is about how you move forward.
...And, you don't have to do it alone.
I'll stay by your side if you'll have me, Anna. We can figure out how to move forward together.
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Don't know who all I have left in my corner now, but it's good that you're still there.
Maybe eventually the others will come back. Maybe I have to find a way to, I don't know,
Show them that I have the discipline to not let this happen again or something.
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That sounds like a large part of the overall problem. Why would I copy that?
If they come back, that'll be their choice. At this juncture, the best best is to work on yourself and your own recovery. These wounds you have... they started long before you even arrived in Trench. Healing them isn't going to be easy.
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Appreciate where you're at, but I'd rather die than talk about my old wounds with people right about now.
Ha. No I wouldn't. Man, how much is that gonna end up putting into perspective?
Anyway. Yeah. We got this.
You remembered to eat while I was gone, yeah?
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It's also more fun when you come over.
...No one is asking you to talk, exactly, about your problems either. You can't just let them sit inside of you, festering like an open wound.
You're a musician, right? That itself can be a kind of magic. Take your pain and transform it into something new. Just don't let it poison your soul any longer.
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GIANT⚡ROBOT had a couple originals, but... opening myself up like that in front of everyone?
That's not easy.
[it's scary, is what it is. in a unique way.]
Might just have to see if anyone else has felt exactly this way before and cover their shit.
At least when it's someone else's words I can pretend.
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What kind of thousands of psychic wars did people fight in the 70s and 80s? Did someone from beyond really come to Earth to rescue that sole survivor?
Your smart enough to figure this out.
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You know I can't resist a fire of unknown origin.
I can try to figure something out. The words just have their way with me sometimes.
Don't even know where to start untangling it all yet before I can wrap it up in a little metaphor.
But I know it exists.
Man. Really like leaving projects on my plate, don't you, Lem 2.
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You've left me with plenty of projects yourself, Amaranth. We both have our work cut out for us.
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Guess I don't have to worry about packing up my bass at a certain time of night anymore.
That's one benefit. Probably.
How the fuck do I keep all this confined to one song.
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I'm no musician and I know that impossible.
The only way that's going to work for you is going big... Like Pink Floyd did with The Wall.
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Hell, I have a long way to go before I even hit Roger Daltrey.
If I try to put a concept album together it's just gonna be some real "waiting for the wizard to un-slap my balls" bullshit.
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You went running up a hill to make a deal with God. If you're capable of doing that, you're capable of a prog rock experimental album.
I'm not asking you to be Roger Walters. I'm telling you to find your own magic.
I'm not un-slapping your balls for you. I will, however, help you do it yourself.
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I mean, Kate Bush also does kick ass so that doesn't prove whatever dumb point I'm arguing for here, but shut up.
My balls are perfectly fine in their current state, actually, but I think I know someone who can make any lyrics I write sound a little less fucking idiotic, at least.
Ortus Nigenad, poet laureate of the Ninth House of the Dominicus system.
Even sounds like some Bard of Avon shit, huh?
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Did he ever get rescued from sea? The first and last time we spoke, he was refusing rescue and acting like he didn't wish to be a burden. I had half a mind to call you, but the WORLD BEING IN DARKNESS had me ATTEMPTING TO WALK INTO THE SEA.
I was slightly busy.
If he's around, he could be a good resource. It's uncommon even in my circles to find anyone deserving to be called a Bard.
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We had a good talk together about the Dominicus system.
I shared what I knew about what it used to be, and he shared what he knows about how it is now.
He feels like the kind of guy who takes a lot of pride in the stuff he does know about, but nobody in the world he lives in actually appreciates what he knows.
Lucky for him, I appreciate the hell out of the arts.
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The Bible is included with that.
I'd certainly like a chance to speak with him more now that he's back. He might be dour, but he has talent.
...If he's at all involved with this disaster you had with John, I'll also be glad to help him learn whatever he's curious about. This isn't my fight-- But, I'm a teacher.
I won't lie to people, and I'll help them learn whatever they wish.
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