slightlytaller

... Close. Think a little more modern.

[He was tired, Anna. Don't make this hard. ]

We do not make deals with the Pthumerians. Now, what's the second rule?

[sigh.]

We do not make deals with the Pthumerians. When someone says stop, or taps out, or goes limp, the deal is over. Only two guys to a deal, one deal at a time, they deal without shirts or shoes. The deals go on as long as they have to. If this is your first night in Deal Club, you have to deal.

The book was better.

... You're right. It was.

Now, Anna. We're both tired, but what are we not going to do again?

We're the same age. Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking kid.

[but, again, she rises to it.]

I'm not making any more deals with any more gods, but if you think that's the worst thing I've done then you have a lot more to get caught up on.

.... Palamedes won't tell me.

I haven't been able to speak to Kainé.

Anna. What did you do?

Well, Kainé left me, so jot that down.

[she shouldn't be so glib about it, but it's the only way she can handle it right now.]

Wouldn't be surprised if she never speaks to me again.
But no. When I turned into a beast, Falco Grice tried to stop me.

He couldn't.

I have that on my soul forever now.

... That's a child.

[Not one he knew, but he paid attention to the network. There was no judgement-- but he was putting pieces together. ]

We will deal with the burdens on your soul-- but you said this child was stopping you. What was he stopping you from?

[she starts typing "I KNOW HE'S A CHILD, WAVER" but deletes it before she gets halfway through. there is nothing she can do that she has not already done to herself.]

Killing the Emperor of the Nine Houses, the Necrolord Prime, the Kindly Prince, the Liberator of Death. Or John, as I know him.
He was the entire reason that I transformed myself in the first place.

Well, no.
I begged the Reckoning to transform me because I was trying to avenge Kainé.
For all the fucking good that ended up doing me.

..
Why in two thousand years of Catholic inquisitions, indoctrination, and general ineptitude were you even in position to need to avenge Kainé from someone with titles like Kindly Prince and Liberator of Death?

His name is John, too. That makes it worse. Did he walk on water and have you call him Teacher?

Bloody hell, what a fucking Jesus cosplayer. I bet he didn't follow biblical canon and instead insisted on apocrypha and fanon.

Edited 2022-07-26 23:18 (UTC)

I don't know, okay? I don't fucking know.
I saw her die and there wasn't a power in the fucking universe that could stop me from focusing on how badly I needed to get revenge.

It was the single dumbest thing I've ever done and I'm still not really in the mood to crack a shitload of jokes about it.
No matter how much you think that that's the only way I can relate to anyone.

Apologies. I AM angry, and evidently being unfair.

...I don't think I can stomach drinks, but I've got wine and whiskey if you want drinks and company.

Your stunt got me back to my normal arrangement of legs. Thanks, I think.

No problem, I think.

I'm still recovering from having my heart and lungs blown open. I don't think I can handle drinks or company right now.

Are you only pissed at me or is there more going on that I missed?

...

I was worried about you, Anna Amarande. I even told that boy with the bi-colored hair from the party to hold his friends close because of that note.

And the sword I custom made for you with my own blood didn't keep you safe.

... There's very little we have power over in this and any world. This made me feel exceptionally powerless.

If it helps you any, no sword could've kept me safe from him. It wasn't your failure.

I'm still mortal, and he's still a god.

It was over before I even knew it hurt.

Anna...

Take your time. I'm not the best at steering, but I can keep things afloat.

When your ready, there's a bottle with your name on it.

You'll be waiting a while. Everyone else I love is gone, or they ran away, and I need to find a way to make this better.
I don't know how yet. I really, really don't.

I think I have to find Falco and make it up to him first. And then I have to accept whatever's coming for me because of what I did.

...You don't have to do this alone. It sounds like multiple people were at fault.

Ha.

[that's the first thing that makes her laugh so hard that she coughs.]

Is that what it looks like? Because from where I'm sitting, I'm the one who came up with this stupid idiot scheme that I knew was gonna end with me dead, and the only thing I did to warn anyone about it was leave you some notes.
And now I'm here. Alone. Probably just like how I deserve.

You didn't do this without reason. Nothing happens in isolation.

...and no one deserves to be alone.

Yeah, I did it because John's fuckbuddy Augustine killed my girlfriend. But I still made the choice to not just wait five seconds for her to come back to life.
I still made the choice to meet with the Reckoning and transform myself into a beast knowing damn well there wasn't a way for me to win the fight with John.
Knowing just as well that John shouldn't have been my target in the first place if I was really trying to avenge Kainé.

The amount of shit I have to untangle here before I'm ready to go for that bottle...
Well. Almost makes me want to call in your boyfriend.

[There were a great many characters in this play that he simply didn't know. But, he was listening-- he would resolve the puzzling elements later.]

Iskandar resolved the Gordian Knot by slicing through it.

You don't need a spatha to do that for your problems right now, Anna. And, it's okay if you don't know the answers yet.

At this point, you should just think about what kind of person you want to be from here.

...Whatever you decide, you won't be alone.

Yeah.
I think the kind of person I want to be is the kind of person I thought I was.
Before I got what I used to chase and realized I hate the taste of it in my mouth. The way it rots me from the inside.

I don't think I ever truly lost sight of that. Or maybe that's just something nice that I'm telling myself so I feel better about what I've done.
I don't know.
I just know that I want to be a good person who helps and protects people. I want to be someone people don't feel sick about looking up to.
I still want that, even if it's all fucked up right now.

Even the greatest heroes and kings fuck up, Anna. No one with any influence on others lives a life free from mistakes and consequences.

You can still be a good person who helps and protects others while making mistakes. They can both be true at the same time. The question here is about how you move forward.

...And, you don't have to do it alone.

I'll stay by your side if you'll have me, Anna. We can figure out how to move forward together.

It's a little fucked up that you're the one asking me for permission.
Don't know who all I have left in my corner now, but it's good that you're still there.
Maybe eventually the others will come back. Maybe I have to find a way to, I don't know,
Show them that I have the discipline to not let this happen again or something.

What, and shove my way in without willing consent?

That sounds like a large part of the overall problem. Why would I copy that?

If they come back, that'll be their choice. At this juncture, the best best is to work on yourself and your own recovery. These wounds you have... they started long before you even arrived in Trench. Healing them isn't going to be easy.

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