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[slightlytaller]

"You've reached the inbox of Lord El Melloi II. Leave a message."

Comments

cw: genocide

[icanhearscreams]

Yes. I want to learn how to protect myself and other people.

In my fight? Killing people. One by one.

[slightlytaller]

I thought you meant your fight at Miyagi-Do.

We can ask Never Mind to release that data to your care, if you don't want it to be public. I think they would be understanding.

[icanhearscreams]

Oh. No. My fight at home. Sorry I wasn't clear. Concussion brain is kind of messed up. I don't think I've had one before.



... I don't know. I requested it to be filmed so the people of my world would know what we were fighting for. What it was really like. So... I'm not sure.

I don't really mind... people seeing it. They just might not understand.

[slightlytaller]

I can understand why you would want it there, in that case.

But, there's something to be said for privacy. If you ever feel that it becomes uncomfortable, we can petition it.

Until then... I'm here if you have a problem.

[icanhearscreams]

Watching it again... made me afraid. Sort of. It was... a terrifyingly awful thing to have to do.

I must have been like a monster to that world...

[slightlytaller]

It doesn't matter what they think. Very few people can even start to understand what you've been through, and no one is in a position to make any fair judgements.

You're still very young.

If the videos are too hard to watch, then you don't have to watch them. And, if you feel up to revisiting the tapes someday? It should be your choice and your choice alone.

[icanhearscreams]

I know. Both of those things.

But... I watched until the end. I saw myself... die.

[slightlytaller]

And how did that make you feel?

[icanhearscreams]

Honestly I don't know. Just... numb. But at least... glad to see that it was over? Not sad, not upset, just... I don't know.

[slightlytaller]

It's okay if you don't know.

Most adults wouldn't know what to do in your situation, either.

You can take whatever time you need to deal with this, Jun. Just, please remember that you're not alone if it becomes hard.

[icanhearscreams]

At least my world is safe. Provided whoever they picked for the last pilot doesn't mess up, it's safe. I didn't die for nothing.

I can... close the book on it, sort of.



I just wish I could have finished talking to my father before I got pulled into battle. To tell him how I was sorry for being a terrible son.

[slightlytaller]

You performed above and beyond what any reasonable person would have expected of you. You can't possibly be as terrible as you think.

And, anyone who thinks that way of you clearly doesn't have the right idea about who you are; a good person, who always does his best.

...

It won't get there, but I've heard people say that writing letters to people that they will never see again helps them with their lingering pain. Is something like that possible for you?

[icanhearscreams]

I wasn't very good as a son. Even if I did a lot for other people... the relationship still wasn't good.



Maybe it will be. I don't know what I'd even say to him. I know he wanted to apologize too, but... we never really talked about our feelings.